Well…I did it…I guess.

Well, I did it…I guess. I finally left him. Almost four years later. Four years filled with laughter, and lies, love and untouched promises, racing hearts, and broken hearts. Alcohol ruins everything. Everything I once saw in my fiancé is now torn away and ripped apart. Those love letters he once wrote mean nothing. Those laughs and smiles once worn are lies now. All I see now are empty alcohol bottles. I smell the stench of it on his breath, and hear the names he calls me on his tongue. The funniest part is, he is the one with the problems and the “demons”, yet I’m the one who’s suffering. I, the one who carried him through, day by day, tried to build him up piece by piece, am the one who actually needed the building. I am now the one left with an empty heart, tears in my eyes, pit in my stomach, and a broken home I have to live in.

Have you noticed that certain people come and go in your life but there’s like a certain FEW people that linger? For instance, that one friend you had and you kept them in your heart and thoughts and suddenly they reach out and they’re back in your life again? Life is odd. Just when you think you’re going to break, a window opens and let’s a little air in so you can breathe again.

It hurts everyone.

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Let’s just put it out there. I’m getting ready to turn the big 30 and I’m newly engaged….to an alcoholic. Alcoholism hurts EVERYONE. He has once again fooled me into thinking he is sober. Does this look sober to you? At 4am this morning while up, not being able to sleep, I happened upon these two beauties. I feel trapped. I want to stay but I know I need to let go. He’s a liar. Decietful in every. Single. Way. Into hurts. Nothing in this world hurts more then this. In the past he literally sucked the life out of me and I had never been so low in my entire life. I will NOT let myself get there again. The question is now…what is the next step for me?